"I'll Love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as your living, my baby you'll be"- Robert Munsch

My older son, Big E, is a sophomore. He has a challenging course load. He is in the honors track for English, Algebra, Chemistry, and Political Science. He is also in marching band, which fills his schedule in the fall. He struggled a lot with honors English last year, and I really questioned whether he should continue at honors level this year. He really wanted to and we agreed to let him. I feel frustrated with his mediocre grades but try not to be a perfectionist. What really bothers me though, is he does not like to read.

I read to him in the womb. When he was born, we chose Atticus for his middle name, after Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird. His earliest “toys” were board books, Pat the Bunny, Goodnight Moon, Oh My Oh My Oh Dinosaurs and the whole Sandra Boyton collection. When he was a toddler, we spent hours with Dr. Seuss, Arthur, Little Bear and Thomas the Tank Engine. When he was four, he started reading to us. It started with Where the Wild Things Are, which he may have memorized, but soon he was reading and loved to do so.

All through grade school we read as a family every night. Junie B. Jones, Harry Potter, Lemony Snicket. Of course we included your childhood classics, Watership Down, A Wrinkle in Time, Bridge to Tarabithia, etc. We finally decided both kids were ready to experience the book that I loved from first reading in 8th grade, the book that shaped my morals and impassioned my love of justice and longing to be a loving parent, To Kill A Mockingbird. The boys liked it. We watched the movie. A little while later we read it again.

Somewhere along the line our bedtime readings gave way to bedtime audio books, listened to in separate bedrooms. Somewhere along the line, audio books fell to T.V. And somewhere, Big E lost the joy of reading. He now says he hates reading. Ouch. How can this be? I realize it may be a phase. I realize it may be a personality trait or just something we differ about. He is becoming his own person with his likes and dislikes that are usually quite different than mine. It’s hard to let them grow up. He has a C- in English right now. He got 2 Cs and an F on the last 3 quizzes. I implored him to read and study for the final test and he got a C. What book are they reading? To Kill A Mockingbird! I don’t understand what he could possibly not understand about the book at this point. I think I need to read it again and ask myself, “What would Atticus do?”

It has been almost a year that I have been blogging. I still feel like I don't really know what I'm doing and don't have much focus. Maybe I need to rename and refocus. I'll think about it the next couple weeks leading up to my one year anniversary. But I do want to make a commitment to write more frequently. My goal is to write at least once a week.

I am not working very much and don't really have much to write about work. The Strip Club is really pretty boring. I haven't had any more problems with the dancer, D. I don't have any exciting tales to tell or any entertaining stipper stories.

I imagine I will write more about the kids, the pets, the grandma. Maybe occasionally peppered with tidbits from work. That's pretty proportional to my life actually.

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger

I am settling in at the Strip Club. So far, so good, except I am having a problem with a particular dancer who is really...um, aggressive about getting money and drinks from customers. I am resisting the urge to call her a money grubbing whore. She really irritates me though. She tries to order drinks for herself and others and put them on other customers' tabs. She will say she wants to order a drink for a customer and to put it on her tab, then wink at me. She wants me to charge the customer for his drink and hers when she says she is buying the round. Or not charge her for the drinks at all maybe?

I'm not stupid. I am not going to risk my job so she can get drunk or get customers drunk and steal from them (which I have seen her do). Also, I like my customers to be happy, not pissed at me for drinks charged to their tab that they didn't want to buy. I need to have a talk with her about this, preferably before her next shift, before she is drunk. I also feel irritated that when she could tell I was getting upset with her, she started to try to flatter me I guess? Telling me I could be stripper! We could play the good girl/ bad girl routine! I did not appreciate the attempted distraction.

I think she also thought I was telling on her at one point and came to intercept the conversation. I was talking quietly to a manager to tell him about an interaction I had just witnessed between another dancer and a customer. (Dancer: "So what do you do for a living?" Customer: "Construction" Dancer: "Oooh, What are you working on?" Customer: "Building a fence" Dancer: "How big is it?" Customer: "11,000 feet" Dancer: "Wow, that's a tall fence".) D snuck up behind me and as J and I started laughing, she started laughing and said "I have a joke too". I think she thought I was telling on her, which I probably wouldn't do, unless I couldn't handle it myself. So I need to try to handle this myself and have a talk with her. I hate confrontation. But I hate dealing with her deceitfulness more.

I get to work at The Restaurant Saturday night. The kitchen has been closed there for about a month, and it has just been operating as a bar. One of the Owner's friends wants to have a birthday party in the Red Room Saturday night, so I am going to work for that. Which will mean a lot of work readying the room. Cleaning, vacuuming, polishing crystal and silverware, setting all the tables, etc. Ugh. I just think it will be a lot of work for not a lot of money probably. But I agreed to do it and can use the extra money I do get. I like earning my money honestly.

The Red Room, The End

I went into work at The Restaurant this evening to find out it is CLOSED. Well, the part I work in is closed. No one bothered to call and tell me, or mention it to me when they saw me earlier in the week at the other establishment. I am not shocked. I am just shocked that it was so sudden, and no one bothered to tell me.

Working at The Strip Club has been going well. I like it. It is pretty easy and I have made more money working a couple shifts for a few weeks than I have all year at The Restaurant. Now I need to see if I can pick up more shifts there, but I am kind of picky about my schedule. I don't want to work until 4 a.m. The shift I have been doing is behind the bar from 4-10 p.m. Behind the bar, I can wear pants and comfortable shoes, and it doesn't really matter that I have gained 20 lbs since I last worked there. I think the only shifts available will be to waitress. I will have to wear 4 inch heels, and fishnet stockings, and a skirt that has to be higher than my fingertips when my arms are at my sides. I think I will feel a little self-conscious about that extra weight. And very uncomfortable in those stupid shoes.

"Bug Feather Bottom" Returns Google Search Results About Hallucinations

A couple days ago, my friend, Jennifer, told me to be on the lookout for interesting bugs, for Taylor's upcoming insect project for freshman biology. She knows I am not comfortable killing bugs, so she requested that I save any interesting bugs that were "dead, but in excellent condition" for Taylor. I admired Taylor's ambition, getting such a head start on this project, but doubted I would actually be of much assistance.

Last night, however, I observed the weirdest bug ever. Big E pointed it out to me, and we got out a magnifying glass and a camera and watched this bug crawl around a mug for about 15 minutes. (My camera sucks and I could not get a good picture of it.)



This bug looked like a big spider's head, walked around on 6 legs, and had a feather on its butt. It was definitely an interesting insect. Maybe I would be able to help Taylor after all. There was only one problem. It was very much alive. It kept crawling around the mug as we held it over the sink. My husband was on the phone and I kept interrupting him to come look at the bug and finally asked him if he could humanely euthanize the bug, but when he showed up with the alcohol and cotton ball, I felt bad and changed my mind. I called and left a message on Jennifer's answering machine wondering if she had any advice. While I was waiting for a return call, the bug fell off the mug and went down the drain. Dang it, I should have killed that bug. I bet Tay would have gotten an A with a crazy bug like that.

I really was fascinated by it and still wonder what it was. My husband thinks it got a feather stuck to it somehow, but I think it was part of the bug (maybe it was actually a spider and it was some sort of web coming out of it? maybe it was a deformed wing?). He finally said, "I can guarantee you that feather was no part of that bug. I am certain of it. Do you know how I am certain?"

Me: "How are you certain?" (thinking maybe HE stuck the feather on the bug?)

Him: "Because it's a BUG! Bugs don't have feathers!"

But, really, this one did! I have a picture of it. Maybe Taylor will learn about bugs with feathers, and I am going to try to be on the lookout for bugs that are dead, but in excellent condition.

I'll be out with your salads as soon as I clean this toilet

Bread boy is gone. I came into work one day last week in the middle of an argument between manager, L, and Bread Boy about cleaning the toilets. Since the Restaurant no longer has a cleaning service, we should have known this is our job. Bread Boy got sent home for being disrespectful and by mutual agreement between him and the Owner (there is only one now; no Owner 1 and Owner 2), he is not coming back.

This sucks for me. Not only will I miss him, but I prefer to have as little responsibility as possible there. The whole restaurant (or at least the part I work in) has been a downward spiral from the get go, and I try to do my best, and keep customers happy, but the plight has gotten ummm, just ridiculous, really. I don’t make enough money to spend my evenings cleaning toilets and waiting around for customers. The other server, J, is gone now too. Owner is on vacation, so I’m not sure exactly what the plan is, but we have hired a new server to work everyday. I think my plan is to pick up a couple shifts at another establishment and work at The Restaurant Fridays and Saturdays, or to help with bigger parties.

The other establishment is a strip club. I bartended/ served there before The Restaurant opened. I kind of miss it. I definitely miss the money. I didn’t like working late nights and couldn’t work during the day because of Grandma’s condition, but The Strip Club has recently made a new 4:00- 9:00 p.m. shift that will be perfect for me. Really, I am more confident recommending a stripper for your lap dance than a steak for your dinner anyway. And it will definitely provide better fodder for blogging.

The Good Ole' Summertime

There’s not much to write about my restaurant world. Chef G has been fired. Manager, C, whom I liked and respected, has been fired. J, the cook, quit. We have hired another server, J. And a manager from one of the other establishments is now running the kitchen. His name is also J. I just hope server J works out because I am taking a week off in June to assist at the Sun Foundation Arts and Science in the Woods Camp.

That is my favorite week of the year. I have been doing it for about 8 years now. I help with a rocks and fossils class. Family members are going to help care for Gram and it is like a vacation for me.

Big E is 15. This is the summer after his freshman year. Really, we only have these next three summers left as a family before he is grown up. I really want to make the most of this summer and wish we could take a real family vacation. I worry my children will grow up and I will regret never having taken a real vacation.

I guess I survived childhood without a real vacation. And I have fond memories of the mini vacations we did, like going to Six Flags in the back of a pick up truck. Those are the kinds of things I do with my kids except they ride inside the vehicle in seatbelts. Back of the truck was not so much fun anyway, especially when it rained the whole trip back and we eventually squeezed all six of us, sopping wet into the cab. The vacations I take my kids on have to better than that.

So I am looking forward to summer. I like this cool weather easing into summer. I have a garden planted. The kids have music camps and we all have the Sun Foundation camp (with Jennifer's kids, the kids will be honing their survival skills). I have been buliding up my running again and hope to get in shape. I am going to enjoy the weather and enjoy time with my family and friends as much as possible. And hopefully blog a little more about all those good things.