Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got*

It is the dead of winter. The point where it almost seems like I can’t stand it any longer and ask “when will this let up?” There must be some commonalty in this feeling since Groundhog Day is approaching. I don’t know much about the history of that holiday, but it makes me feel a sense of connectedness in the shared experience of wanting to know when winter will ever end.

Overall though, I have been feeling kind of surprised at my sense of contentment lately. I have been reviewing how my life is different from this time last year and how somehow I am very “at peace” with how my life is going. Is there a tantric yoga pose called “sitting at the keyboard, blogging”? Everything that we need in order to be complete is within us right at this very moment. It is simply a matter of being able to recognize it.**

Last year at this time, I was frustrated working at a place I didn’t like. I kept putting off leaving and it caused me a lot of prolonged grief. Hopefully I am learning to address issues more quickly. A stitch in time saves nine.***

Last year, I was overwhelmed with the thought of caring for Grandma. I was so depressed by her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, and I felt so trapped, thinking about caring for her every day. I don’t think she has gotten much worse, and not only is it not a “burden”, but I have grown to enjoy spending most days at home with her.

Last year, I was codependent on my heroin addict friend. I don’t know if anyone noticed that few months ago, in my “About Me” on this blog, I removed the part that said “recovering codependent to recovering heroin addict”. I didn’t write about it much, but there was a period of time, when several times a week I would fly to his house like Mighty Mouse, singing “here I come to save the day!” Since I have stopped trying to help him, I have been so much happier.

Right now, I am enjoying simple things, books, baking , blogging. (Hmm, do all my hobbies start with the letter “B”?) I am looking forward to the year ahead. I want to continue doing what I am enjoying. I hope to spend some time soon researching the history of my work building. I think it will be demolished soon, and am curious about what happened in the building during the prohibition era. There are entryways to what may have been tunnels leading under the street and I would love to learn more about this soon.

I am looking to the spring and summer and being able to exercise more outdoors. (Yes, I know I CAN exercise outdoors now.) I will start running again and will do the outdoor things I love like rock hunting. I would love to learn about geocaching and give this a try. I always look forward to the Sun Foundation Arts and Science in the Woods Camp. It is my favorite week of the year and I get to do a lot of rock hunting. I just found out last night I am not going to get to go to Utah this summer to see one of the most spectacular geological sights in the world, Arches National Park. (I thought Little E and I were going to go to a church choir thing in Utah, but it got postponed to 2010 in Minnesota.) Maybe we will take a more local field trip instead. I also hope to get to go on a trip of some sort with Jennifer and her family. I am looking forward to the warm days ahead!
* Sinead O'Conner
** Tibetan Buddhist Tantric practitioner Lama Thubten Yeshe
***Thomas Fuller. It is unknown if he coined the phrase, or simply used a proverb popular during the time.


Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I can't wait for the warmer weather either!!!!

Laura said...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Laura said...

Another thing you might want to try is orientiering. There is a local group of people that take part in this hobby that involves reading topographical maps and using a compass. I have no sense of direction, but would be willing to try it as well.

Secret Server said...

Laura, I think it would be a good skill, but it does not sound fun. Not as much fun as finding hidden treasure.

Peoria Peepers said...

It makes me sad when a choice is made to demolish buildings with such history or uniqueness. That's the kind of thing I seek out when I travel, and hate to see them disappear here.

We've been geocaching for several years now. It's taken us to some great sites we never would have found otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Let me know if you want help getting started in geocaching. You should definitely get out to Arches. It is pretty awesome. I was at the club last Wednesday, but there was only a dude bartender.